I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
