Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
