We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
