the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
