I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
