my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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