Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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