I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
