I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
why do cheetos always look like penises
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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