Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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