I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
