if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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