Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
