You're so nebulous sometimes
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
