drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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