I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Randomize
