I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
