no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize