You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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