He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize