clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
