Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
