and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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