somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
