Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
