He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
porn star boner night. come get it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
