she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
