his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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