We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize