my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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