I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
