we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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