I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
