I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
