Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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