he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
