i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
