Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
