I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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