alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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