sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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