talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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