Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
