Who wears a wallet chain?!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
