i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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