John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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