Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
