He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
