Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
