White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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